The owls go, "Who? Who? Who?"
The black cats yowl and green ghosts howl,
"Scary Halloween to you!"
--Nina Willis Walter
| Costume 1 | Halloween 1 | Costume 2 |
| Happy Halloween! | Halloween Dogs | DWF |
|
Stay in
with our selection of fun Halloween
games. |
HALLOWEEN
The implementation of the Check Clearing for the 21st Century Act, aka Check 21, which goes into effect this week, means that check handling and collection should see a drastic increase in speed. Will it also mean an increase in fraud? Read more...
Check 21: Read more...
Red Hat warned users of an e-mail scam designed to plant malicious code on users' systems. The malicious e-mail poses as a security update from the vendor, a technique that has become familiar to Windows users, but is a novelty in the Linux world. Are you at risk? Read more...
AOL, EarthLink, Microsoft and Yahoo have filed seven spam lawsuits, the companies' second round this year using the federal CAN-SPAM law. Read more...
Canning Spam: Read more...
You should assume that any unsolicited message asking for your Yahoo! ID and password, security key, or other sensitive information is part of a scam to gain unauthorized access to your account. Feel free to simply delete such messages, or if you would like to be sure we are aware of the scam, you can forward a copy to mail-spoof@cc.yahoo-inc.com.
If you have already entered your information into a suspicious message or web page, you should immediately change your password and update any other information you provided. If you provided credit card or other financial details, you should also contact your financial institution. If you are unable to change your password or regain access to your account, you should contact account-security@yahoo-inc.com.
For useful information and resources regarding online security, please visit the Yahoo! Security Center at: http://security.yahoo.com
Thank you again for contacting Yahoo! Customer Care.
CARVE YOUR OWN PUMPKIN...
10. Any house that seems to be imploding
into a hole in the ground.
9. Any house made of food.
8. Any house that
has ornamental lawn hyenas.
7. Any house whose only entrance goes to the
basement.
6. Any house where high-tension power lines seem to stop.
5. Any
house that keeps growling, "Get out"
4. Any house where the furniture seems
to be walking around the living room.
3. Any house that looks like a giant,
pulsating orb floating 3 feet above the ground than a house.
2. Any house
with a yard full of statues of people in odd running poses.
1. Any house that wasn't there a couple of seconds ago.
With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile
to remember a few
simple rules to help keep this season healthy, happy and
SAFE!
Please use these helpful hints this and every
year!!!
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out.
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at east twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to he nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.
18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.
19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.
20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.
21. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.
, call Creative Consultants Inc.
.A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.
The husband, who was taking a shower, ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was.
She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold nosed him on the rear. He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted.
His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out. About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and one of the Emergency Medical Technicians saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.
That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushion where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her laying there passed out tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband on the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
An ambulance was again called when it was determined that the injury required hospitalization.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the two women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.
The ambulance arrived and took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
Just then the little snake crawled out from under the couch. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on one side of the sofa. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
Another policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog. The startled dog jumped up and raced out into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car and set it on fire.
Meanwhile, the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire house was blazing. Neighbors had called the fire department and the arriving fire truck had started raising his ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and pulled out the electricity and disconnected telephones in a ten-square city block area.
Time passed...
Both men were discharged from the hospital. The house was rebuilt. The police acquired a new car, and all was right with the world.
About a year later the original couple were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
10. You get winded from knocking on the door
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you
8. You ask for high fiber candy only
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Boris Karloff Mask." and you're not even wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or....." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You keep having to go home to pee.
1. You needed something to make you laugh,2. you were bored,3. but mainly, because you asked for it and signed up on my website Fun Section
Under The Rainbow · 127 N Cherry · Galesburg · IL · 61401